Thursday, June 25, 2009
A grip of reality!
talking with mom today. They lost my sister stephanie michelle when she was 3 days old. she is 4 years older. We were rolling over our lives, sort of a from then till now history..we suddenly found ourselves speechless. My family has served and lead in churches, love God with every fiber of our being, and yet I am at a place in life and my soul where i can't get passed the grief. Lately reading Gods word, worshipping, or daily thoughts..i relate God with loss, grief, sadness. So i dont want to have anything to do with that realm. I know his sovereignty, i have embraced his mercy in my life, and walked in his grace, yet this pain is so real, tangible that even the very RAW word of God sends me into the abyss! I know, unbelievable but i am being so honest. Blake and i know that God knew this would happen before the foundations of the earth, but grieving is a part of healing. So i am soaking and asking Him for a solstace!!!! This is nothing we could ever conjure up, i just can not explain...all i can do is speak of what is truly happening. I have read today everyones comments and wept, because of the love and advice you all have given. This is a way for blake and myself to find relief even if it is just for the moment..We LIVE in the moment these days. love you all and hope today has been great for you.