Saturday, July 25, 2009

Letter's of Faith

Sorry it has been a bit since my last post..The race of life is very enduring!Two things i want to write, share about is..Just two evenings ago i was in our closet looking thru some files, documents i was searching for in a little safe we have for important things..The phrase taking your breath away LITERALLY applies here. i did find what we needed as well as on the very bottom of the stack...Letters written by our closest family and the dvd we had put together that we played for lucas' funeral. Haven't seen it since, AS WELL AS the cd that he slept to every single night. So i look..i stare..dare i touch it you know, as if it were going to break or bite me..The front cover of his dvd was covered in a montage of lucas' pics i sweep my hand across it and flooding memories leap into my chest..i calmly cry, then looke past it down deeper into the box and found two letters. one written by blake's dasd to us after Lucas passed and one that he included that was written by blake's grandmother to his grandfather concerning Faith. i can never do them justice by telling you in my way, so blake and i have decided to place it here for all to read..someone WILL get great release and benefit from it. So i am sobbing at the freedom these this letter gave me thursday night sitting in the floor of my closet. Holding on, loving and feeling again his pure love. Lucas' obituary was there as well..enough said about that right?

The second thing is that pierce will start school again tues, wed, thurs in august..Was praying of going back into the medical of obgyn and landing a job after being out of work so long, Well God answered our prayer and i start monday at the very place and doctor that delivered me, as well as my two boys!!! A wonderful peaceful place. I believe it will be healing to help others again, to be around babies and HOPE others bring in. And maybe i can help heal a life that hurts deeply..I hope life and this letter finds you all well, i pray whatever you believe..that ur waters are being stirred and ur wellsprings of life are alive and kicking! For those of you hanging onto your frilled and raveled end of the rope...i pray for clarity of mind, and hand to squeeze and a breath of fresh air to help change your circumstance.. Let these two letters be of service to you. take it in!! love

Thursday, July 16, 2009

An evening to remember: July 16, 2009

Today we traded in our honda for a bmw convertible. It is a blessing!! Tonight just a bit ago blake wanted to take it out for a spin to see what she could really do. The top is down, mister pierce man tucked away tightly in back behind me, and we are off..Pierce yelled at one point on the interstate "Dad look at the star", then we realized and explained to him it was an airplane. He was having a blast letting his face and hands fold with the wind! For me it is a moment to steal away with all the memories as blakes driving! Pieces of our souls continue to return, new ways of surrendering to the seasons of life!! It is life...This is our life now..We are blessed to have it! I am walking instead of crawling. We love you ALL!!!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

since we haven't gotten around to restoring the old posts accidentially deleted just yet I thought I would add a link of the videos from those posts.

click here to watch all the ones on one true media's website.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Lucas = Love + Light

Missin' my Blue Eye's, wishing I could come home and check on you, pick you up from PT, take to ACH for a check up... ... I'm sure you've more important things to do today playing with the Angels and family in heaven while worshipping like only you could. Love Dad (blake)

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Hope everyone had an awesome holiday and good times with loved ones! We had a blast at the lake. We are blessed to have incredible friends and family surrounding us. Pierce and myself are having what seems a summer cold! We feel horrible, so we r home in bed resting up trying to recover. Blake is well and working hard for the family.
I realized out on the boat this weekend whilst watching the water and sky...that i am finally coming out from behind the clouds! The fear and anguish is starting to subside, i am responding better with myself and others naturally now instead of faking it to save face! Little pieces of my soul are starting to reform an take notice of my surroundings. My eyes are starting to look up for help from God and his grace instead of my fist being raised in anger and doubt. Dare i say this next line....I am finally hearing songs again, as i sit at the piano or quietly still i have been letting the songs come to me and it is vulnerable whats happening! Instead of letting this whole experience take me and our family over, i am taking it over within and bringing my life, my emotions, my belief and thoughts upward..So we are treading softly and with great respect on this new road, stopping often to take it all in again, smell the roses, taste the bitter, grief our losses and walk on!! I love the song "Walk on" by U2!! This song talks about fighting for freedom after being caged up like a bird, then fighting to survive once you fly..So the lesson for today that i have learned is there is mending taking place, no matter how fragile and loose the ends are, my streams are beginning to move again, and i am not as thirsty as yesterday!! love mk

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Hello to all!! Ohh Blake and I love you all so very much. I am amazed at how healing and uplifting it has been to blog again, to hear from all of you. Having others carry and emphasize with us is family. Happy 4th of july to everyone!! We are headed to lake hamilton with family from thurs-monday. This has been a great week so far. Probally the best since our great sadness thanks to our support from you. I am beginning to see daylight.

Lucas was born to us 5/10/07 and was soon diagnosed with CHARGE. CHARGE syndrome is a recognizable (genetic) pattern of birth defects which occurs in about one in every 9-10,000 births worldwide. It is an extremely complex syndrome, involving extensive medical and physical difficulties that differ from child to child. Babies with CHARGE syndrome are often born with life-threatening birth defects, including complex heart defects and breathing problems. They spend many months in the hospital and undergo many surgeries and other treatments. Swallowing and breathing problems make life difficult even when they come home. The letters in CHARGE stand for: Coloboma of the eye, Heart defects, Atresia of the choanae, Retardation of growth and/or development, Genital and/or urinary abnormalities, and Ear abnormalities and deafness. Lucas's anomalies included with his case of CHARGE include minor heart defects of ASD and PDA, bilateral choanal atresia repaired at four days old, undescended testes repaired at seven months old, and ear abnormalities; also he has reflux and aspirated while feeding shortly after being born and thus had a G-tube and Nissen Fundoplication at five weeks old. Additionally he has PE tubes, very low muscle tone and facial palsy on his right side. Lucas was diagnosed with Primary Pulmonary Hypertension at 12 months old. He showed us how to shine through the rain as he lost his bravely fought battle and entered into Heaven on 10/02/08. He was our miracle on earth the 507 days we spent with him. For more information, visit